My lesson on loss…

I’ve lost a lot in my life…jobs, frienships, things, people and even relationships but as I look back… were they really losses?

I don’t know about you, but I have spent a lot of time, lost a lot of sleep and shed many tears bemoaning “losses” that ultimately were monumental wins to me in the long run. I have learned that when something or someone is removed from my life, it is only to be replaced by something better!  It’s better because every loss makes ME better!

When put into perspective, I can see how each loss has made me better….

♠ Losing relationships have taught me lessons about intimacy, vulnerability and compromise.

♦ Losing jobs have taught me about dedication, work ethic and the importance of being in control of my own destiny.

♥ Losing a loved one in their transition of life has taught me how to cherish those who are dear to me, learn the lessons they were put in my life to teach me and to never take for granted a moment in this life.

♣ Losing friends have taught me the value of interdependence, camaraderie and acceptance without judgement.

When I count up all that I’ve gained from those losses…I have actually won! The statistics are overwhelmingly in my favor!  I have learned to celebrate my losses as fervently as I celebrate my wins maybe you should too!!

In the end I STILL WIN!

Sometimes when you lose you win and when you win, you lose–Bernie Mac (My mentor, my friend and one of my Angels)

TTFN…

The Consummate Provocateur

Never Dim Your Light for Others to shine…NEVER Apologize for Being YOU!!

ZJZWB4C5B3FS

A Moment of Reflection

Looking in the mirror…

As an Expert Life Coach with a specialization in Interpersonal Relationships, I am often asked, “What makes you an expert?” and a quote I once heard accurately reflects my sentiment:

“A man can only be an expert in something in which he has personal experience…”

When choosing a specialization I had to think long and hard about that thing that I have dealt with, struggled with and subsequently come to terms with; and it was clear…Interpersonal Relationships!!

Interpersonal Relationships are social associations, connections, or affiliations between two or more people; which can vary from intimate (marriage) to social (work).

BINGO!! There is nothing more in this world that I have personal experience with than Interpersonal Relationships! I am a daughter, sister, friend, co-worker, sorority member, entrepreneur, I’ve been a girlfriend and even a fiancee! However my conundrum was…how can I use that thing to be of service to others???

When I was training to become a Life Coach my instructor once said, “you must become your own first client”; that seemingly simple directive sent me on a painfully difficult personal journey of self realization that forced me to take self inventory and accept personal responsibility for my life and choices…the good, the bad and the ugly.  I learned about who I am, what I believe, why I have made certain choices and most importantly my own personal “WHY”.   Once that exercise commenced, I knew I was on my way to affecting a positive change in my life which would ultimately make me a better coach!   (notice I didn’t say I completed the exercise…I am well aware that I am an ever evolving creature who will only complete this exercise when I die)

The best relationships I had were the ones where I felt free to be ME! (a few examples are:)

• When I worked for someone else and I was allowed to work independently, be creative and had minimal restraints…I excelled!
• When I was a younger and my parents took away the curfew and the big rules were lifted…I didn’t rebel and life was smooth for my sister & brother (because they didn’t have to cover & stick up for me)! 🙂
• When I broke off an engagement because my fiance wanted to control who my friends were, what I wore and pretty much everything else…my life took a DRAMATIC change for the best professionally!
• When I can say whatever I feel and/or think to my friends and they don’t judge me….I am the life of the party!

Once I was able to figure out my patterns, learn who I am, be accountable and find a balance in all of my relationships….things changed!!! I am the author of my reality and create everything that happens in it.

Simply put:  I take what I do very seriously because as my clients learn and grow, so do I.  I relate to you because I am you.  I learn if I have some latent prejudices, insecurities and fears or some untapped strength, wisdom and foresight.   As a life coach it is not my job to judge my clients, force them to buy into my belief system or measure up to a standard I have set for myself based on my own self-work, rather it is my job to mirror them and show them the exact behavior they exhibit.  

As I sit in front of that mirror right now, my reflection shows me that the teacher has become the student.  You all teach me more about me every day for which I am eternally grateful.

What is your “Why”??? What is that thing that drives and directs your every move? 

TTFN…

The Consummate Provocateur

Never Dim Your Light for Others to shine…NEVER Apologize for Being YOU!!

Have you ever talked to someone and said, “so what you are saying is…” and when you’re done,  they say, “now that you put it like that,  it sounds ridiculous, silly, selfish,  ________ (fill in the blank)” ? Well that is what I do…I am that mirror!! I allow you to see for yourself!