Question from a follower… | October 10, 2011

I received the following letter in my inbox and the writer wants your help!

Please share your thoughts HERE (in the comments section) or on my Facebook page!

Hi KiKi…

I have been with my boyfriend for over five years, we live together and I don’t want to be with him anymore.  I love him, but I am not in love with him.  We always argue and haven’t been intimate in over a year and a half.  I have tried almost everything to get rid of him but he just won’t leave (including not speaking to him for weeks at a time ) and now he has this idea in his head that we should get married!!  It’s gotten to the point where I feel like I have to figure out a way to make it “his idea” to break up with me because he would never break up with me and leave on his own.  Honestly I think he is more “obsessed” with me that “in love” with me and I think he would stalk me or maybe even do something harmful if I was ever to really leave him.  Can you or your followers help me come up with a way to make this break up HIS IDEA so he would leave me alone for good?  (This is only an excerpt)

Break-ups are like removing a bandage…if  you do it quickly the pain will be over before you know it!–Unknown


The Consummate Provocateur


Never Dim Your Light for Others to shine…NEVER Apologize for Being YOU!!


About KiKiRichardson

Certified Life Coach (Interpersonal Relationships), Speaker, Radio Personality & Author of the Controversial book: "The Other Woman Code of Conduct: What every "other" woman should know...and MEN too!" Get your copy NOW! KiKi´s infectious energy, transparent style and sheer refusal to "blend in" has earned her the "Consummate Provocateur" moniker. KiKi the Certified Life Coach -- takes a firm, common sense approach with her clients, assisting them with taking ownership of their choices in order to affect positive change in their own lives. KiKi the Host of Playing Devil’s Advocate™ -- is no-holds barred. She dares her listeners to challenge societal norms and examine the “why?”. This radio show is for mature audiences and it is Uncensored, Unscripted, UNAPOLOGETIC! KiKi the Speaker -- uses her personal experiences to connect with her audience. She has an unapologetic contempt for conventional thought which has a way of getting the uncomfortable conversation started.

Posted on October 10, 2011, in Battle of the Sexes, Communication, Facebook, KiKi Richardson, Relationships, Self Improvement, Sex and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 16 Comments.

  1. Wow, she said that he is more obsessed than in love and she tried everything to get rid of him. Wow. That is the ultimate form of control indeed. She said she didn’t speak to him for weeks. If he was obsessed in her then he’d be having sex with her religiously but since that’s not the case. He must enjoy her company and the little things they do besides of her wanting to get away. If she want to leave, then just leave. Move on and bye bye. Because he’s probably doing his thing, not probably, he sounds like a I want my cake and eat it too type guy… My advice is do what my wife did to me in 1996 and up and just leave…

  2. Deliberately let him find out about your NEW man. Its hard for a guy to forgive a woman that has been sexual with another guy.

  3. I don’t necessarily agree with cheating because if he doesn’t understand that you want out, he might become an irrational person, if found out. I would definitely make an exit strategy, checking the lease expiration, saving some money, letting your friends/family know what is going on and then back up the moving truck. If you haven’t been talking to him for weeks at a time and not had sex with him for over a year and half then clearly he ain’t thinking right and you gotta be careful about tilting him (there’s love and then there is stalker/obsessed). One question who owns the residence you stay at ?? that would also be an determining factor on your next moves. You also might need to let him know your brothers, cousins, father, male best friends will check mate his ass if wants to get out of his lane. Let him know just because your a woman don’t mean you can’t bring it if he wants to act stupid. Other than that Sporty have gave you good advice ^^^^^^^^^

    • Thanks Dan!

      Those are all great suggestions!! Do you have any ideas on how she can make him think breaking up is HIS idea instead of hers??? ~~>Ki²

      • Kiki I dunno, on that one, gotta think on it. Because when a man gets too fixated on woman, he gets sprung LOL !! It appears to me she might have a potential problem with this cat and convincing him that he wants out ………….might be a stretch……..I have an female relative who went on a date with a guy 20 years ago and this guy has stalked, harassed her and caused so much havoc in her life, she should be on Oprah, no lie. My fam and I couldn’t find this guy because he was very smart and chess-like. But luckily he got caught on some video cam sh!t by her house just this past summer and has a $1 mill bond (no lie). There are some sick ninjas out there. My relative’s stalker caused so much damage emotionally and financially. I’d advise your writer to get her shit together, get her troops together, have plan A and plan B and just execute like your favorite NFL team !! BTW I took a beating in your last pickem POOL !! OUCH

      • Damn Daniel!
        That’s a whole lot to consider!


        p.s. It was s rough week for you…keep it up & I will be ahead of you in the overall standings! LOL!

  4. 1st of all my question is to the letter writer.. What is it about him that make you want to stay? Listen .. if you want to leave him then do it! Do it ASAP!!! Find a safe place that you can move to and tie up all your loose ends so you dont have to communicate with him. Get an order of protection clearly if you are afraid of him there must be some sort of emotional abuse or verbal that has you resistant to go. Talking is not working for you so have someone else tell him, e.g. a friend that’s a cop, a big male relative, an attorney.

    Stop coming home at night, stay at a friends home, begin the process of moving out. Get a gun for self protection and if you need to defend yourself do so! Keep a paper trail of everything. Set up a camera in your home for video evidence, document all your issues and put them in a safety deposit box.

    Come up with a safe word for friends, so if you call or see them and say it they know to get you help asap! dont wait til something happens to you to get out. You may not live to get another chance.
    If you work dont come back form work, things are material and can be replaced. You can’t!
    If there are children involved, send to a grandparents or relative for a weekend and GO!!!
    I dont see a since of urgency here and if you want out for real, especially if you are afraid of him and his consequences then you gotta go! Not now but right now!

    I know people say its easier said than done but girl you gotta man up and do it!!!


  5. I don’t know if cheating is the answer. I think that will create a hostile environment that you both live in. From your letter it sounds like he might even misunderstand your actions. Most men have pressure to marry if they have been dating over 4 “adult” years. So by not talking to him or being unhappy, he may have thought you were frustrated being in a relationship that was not moving to the next level. Now he wants to get married to satisfy this need. Could this be the issue. In any case, being upfront and having the “uncomfortable conversation” is a must. Honestly is the best policy. The delievey is what is important.

    • Thanks for your reply James!
      Yeah, the “uncomfortable conversations” are what I live by! However in this writer’s complete letter (I only posted an excerpt in the interest of time) she has had the “I don’t want this relationship anymore” conversation with him and he just wont leave….As a man, (since women & men communicate differently) what do you think she could say/do for him to get it?!? Also, do you think she should be in fear? ~~>Ki²

  6. Why wait for him to leave? Maybe it will start to sink in that it’s over if she starts the process herself. She should start making changes for herself and her life instead of waiting for him to get it before she moves on. Just my thoughts. Mauree’

    • Thanks Mauree‘!
      I only posted an excerpt of her letter (in the interest of time) and in the full letter, she said that she has told him she doesn’t want the relationship anymore. She has started her own thing and even has “intimate relations” with men other than him. He just won’t go away. Do you think she has cause for alarm? Do you think there is any other way she can get him to leave? ~~>Ki²

  7. i got 1 word for you, cheat… I know it’s not ethical or moral even, but sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do to make that person realize that you are done with them… or just straight up tell him, this ain’t working and I don’t wanna be with you anymore, sometimes those little hints get missed, maybe he’s just stickin around cuz he ain’t got the balls to go out and make it on his own…

    Sincerely yours,
    Psyko/The Rev

    • Psyko Rev: She mentioned in the “entire” letter (because this was merely and excerpt) that basically she is getting sex…just NOT from him! She also said this aint working and he STILL wont leave! From a man’s perspective, do you have any other suggestions?

  1. Pingback: Relationships: “More Ways Than One” … |The Recap (originally aired 10-12-11) | Playing Devil's Advocate™

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